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A good friend of mine from college who now lives in Thailand maintains a series of photo albums on his Facebook page highlighting products he comes across with hilarious English translations. On a recent trip to the toy store in Downtown Silver Spring, I came across some good ones myself. This was a quick trip, so if you find any more, feel free to submit.

I don’t think my daughter really knows what an ironing board is, as it rarely makes an appearance at my house. Luckily, design for the children are all fangle.

I appreciate fine tailoring as much as the next person, but I’d be hard-pressed to say it gives me infinite pleasure.

“Hustling Dust” would be a great band name.

I know this is the outlier of the bunch, but I had to include it. Ken’s come a long way since his early days, especially given the hair gel and capri pants. Robot Chicken really needs to add this to a future episode.

I don’t know how long our venerable toy store will maintain operations, but 90% of the stuff in there can be filed in the “detritus” section. Once it closes down, we should have a 24-hour rave in the space before a new tenant moves in. Enjoy it while it lasts!

In a quick hit on relevant, up-to-date news, Sushi Jin had a fire last night that pretty much decimated their food supply, closed them down temporarily, and even hit some local businesses with carryover outages. Willow Street Yoga announced that their Silver Spring studio would be closed tonight due to some clean up and repair because of the fire.

Courtesy of The Google – Sushi Jin in less-fiery times.

Silver Spring Patch reports that no one was injured and the cause of the fire is still under investigation. When I first heard there was a fire on the block, I assumed that it was one of two things: (A) Someone set American Apparel on fire; or (2) Quiznos got out of hand with the toasted sub thing. Neither of those have turned out to be true.

As you may have noticed…
The holiday season took its toll on putting much time into the blog. Hoping to get things fired back up with more news from Silver Spring that’s fit to print. For Thayer Avenue residents, that includes talking about gems like this:

This makes sense, as our beloved Safeway provides a respite for homeless people, poorly-stocked shelves, and mediocre store-brand dairy products. Discuss amongst yourselves.

Some of you may have seen the commotion over the weekend, but last Thursday saw the locked doors and sign postings at Magical Oils on Bonifant. This was taken by alert reader Bonifant More Sinister Than Thayer Thursday evening.

Turns out there was a fire in the back of the building. And since there would have been plenty of oil for fuel, all they needed was a spark. This was the scene on Sunday afternoon as the owner/proprietor was forced to clear everything out.

I know there was always talk about this place being a front for a brothel or something, and I’m not a big believer in the power of magical oils, but it’s a shame it all had to end like that. No word yet on plans for reconstruction and/or reopening. For the time being, the place is unfit for occupancy.

I do enjoy living in Montgomery County. As much as I bitch and moan about particular policies and such, it’s still a great place to be. Then there’s people like Ginny Gong who did everything but actually kick the Fenton Street Market in the ass to get them off the plaza. As you’ll see in the latest post from Hannah McCann, the RFP to open up Veterans Plaza to other options on Saturdays did great things like:

• Increase fees for use to a $600 minimum. Roughly a 1200% increase from current costs paid by Fenton Street Market.
• No guarantee for Saturday use. Yup – you can get kicked out any time they want to kick you out.
• Prohibit food vendors. Goodbye crêpes.
• Heavy-handed county oversight. That means opening books at any time the county wants to see them, standardizing all promotion – way to suck the life out of something else, MoCo.

Of coruse, there are lots of other stipulations. And for jumping through all these hoops, you get access to ONE one-year contract. Beautiful. Way to screw up, Montgomery County. I can understand the issues behind some of the requirements, but this was a boneheaded way to eliminate something that really helped make Silver Spring a community. Are you pissed yet? Then go tell Montgomery County. And Ginny Gong. I can’t wait to see what ends up in her email box after this debacle.

And in other news…

Next Steps for the Purple Line

The federal government approved the detailed engineering for the purple line last week, paving the way for a two-year effort to get actual logistics and engineering down to brass tacks. I still think I have an easier way to handle this:

I proposed this simpler route about 4 years ago, as I only really plan on going to the west side of the county. This would cut costs immensely. Sadly, some people didn’t think it was funny. They even had a tent up at the Fresh Farm Market last weekend promoting it. Now if we could just get the naysayers to agree to the stop at Wayne and Dale, we’d be good.

If I’m lucky, my daughter will be able to use this in about 20 years.

Giving your 5¢

Beginning at the first of the year, the 5¢ bag tax will go into full effect in Montgomery County. Get ready for bitching and moaning. The only time I ask for a bag nowadays is whan I buy 40s of malt liquor. I think it’s worth the extra classiness. And if you think I’m kidding, you don’t know me.

Speed Cameras on Georgia Avenue

I wrote about the addition of speed cameras back in April when two tickets showed up in my mail at the same day. When I was driving home past night, it appears those two cameras are now gone. Not sure if the removal is temporary, but for the time being, please feel free to resume normal vehicular operation.

ADDENDUM:

Meant to include this with the other news, but just got a link sent to me by alert reader BMSTT:

Alleged Bus Masturbator Charge in Driver Stabbing (Silver Spring)

Discuss amongst yourselves.

Lots of small things (and some bigger) that have been popping up recently…

Outlets, Schmoutlets

It looks like the much-hyped Outlets at Silver Spring that were in the works for Shitty Place aren’t so much in the works. Sounds like a proverbial “stick our toe in the water” approach to see what reaction would be. Well, they got the hype they were looking for. As for actually attracting paying stores to the location, well, that seems to be an altogether different question.

Walter Petrie, chairman of property manager Petrie Ross Ventures, says “There’s a lot of different approaches to this,” he said. “We clearly want to reposition it.” Translation: “We have no clue what we’re going to do with this piece of shit.” Can anyone tell me what Frank the Rabbit told Donnie in the movie theater?

Snyder Needs Money?

I guess Dan Snyder’s infamous SLAPP lawsuit against City Paper’s Dave McKenna means the purse strings are stretched a little thin in Redskins world. Now they’re sending their minions to help replenish the coffers. And the length of the lockout probably isn’t helping matters.

If you know this man, call the Robbery Section of the Montgomery County Police at 240-773-5100 or Crime Solvers of Montgomery County at 1-866-411-TIPS (8477) or 240-773-TIPS (8477).

Off-season ESSCA Nuggets

I haven’t trolled the listserv very much lately, but this past weekend gave us a good message. Someone in the neighborhood (reported as a favor through a listserv member) had a house construction crew wake her last weekend at 6am (word is she lives on Thayer). The reminder:

Montgomery County law is that any power equipment, leaf blowers, mowers, construction, etc. is not permitted before 7am or after 9pm on regular weekdays nor before 9am or after 9pm on weekends/holidays. It is enforced by the Dept of the Environment under the “Noise Control Ordinance” — both the crew and the homeowner who employs them can be fined heavily.

I can hear the construction/improvements work from two different locations on Thayer in the morning. Sure, it’s annoying sometimes, but messages like these make me want to get a gas-powered leaf blower and walk the streets at dawn. Don’t think I won’t.

Last But Not Least

Man Arrested at Starbucks for Public Masturbation

Yes, the Starbucks on Ellsworth. Given the reaction of some people on its preliminary lineup, some will, no doubt, blame The Fillmore.

It appears the repreive for the Silver Spring edition of Borders Books & Music was but temporary. According to the Washington Post:

There will be no storybook ending for Borders. The 40-year old book seller could start liquidating its 399 remaining stores as early as Friday.

The chain, which helped pioneer the big-box bookseller concept, is seeking court approval to liquidate its stores after it failed to receive any bids that would keep it in business. The move adds Borders to the list of retailers that failed to adapt to changing consumers’ shopping habits and survive the recession, including Circuit City Stores Inc., Mervyn’s and Linens ‘N Things.

There’s no indication as to when our store will close, but you can expect signs like these (currently found in the closing Pier 1 on Ellsworth) to start popping up in the not too distant future.

Now comes the inevitable discussion for the replacement retailer. I think before another retailer moves in, we should have a huge rave in the empty space. Perhaps with some zombies. Who’s with me?

The Horse is Dead
Last night, the Montgomery County Planning Board voted unanimously against a draft amendment to the Master Plan for Historic Preservation, thus bringing to a close attempts to declare the First Baptist Church at Wayne & Fenton a historic landmark. The most interesting remarks came from Commissioner Norman Dreyfuss:

I’m persuaded by the fact that the HPC [Historic Preservation Committee] had heard all of this testimony from everybody and had reached a conclusionIt seems like they have more historic preservation expertise than certainly I have.

And from Planning Board Chairwoman Francois Carrier:

I’m inclined to defer to the HPC. …their judgment was that there’s no reason to designate this as a historic property.

So, thanks for wasting time and money, historical people. This was already decided by the HPC, but I’m sure the taxpayers in the community as well as the church really enjoyed forking out for the salaries of people to be there. More here courtesy of the Gazette.

See you next year, Chompy
Discovery won’t be putting up the infamous inflatable shark this year to promote its Shark Week, but he should return next year for the event’s 25th Anniversary. In place of Chompy, Discovery plans to, among other things, show Shark Week features on a giant, inflatable screen on Veterans Plaza. I think they should have a late-night showing of Jaws. Anybody with me?

Go to Fenton Street Market Tomorrow
A survey will be going on this weekend at FSM to gather information about spending habits at the market. It seems the bonehead bureaucrats in Rockville are making it difficult for the FSM organizers to have the plaza next year. The market itself doesn’t really fall into the any of the facilities use models they have, and rather than find a way to perpetuate success, they are leaning toward eliminating that which frightens and confuses them. Idiots.

The weather is supposed to be spectacular this weekend. Get out, spend some money, answer some questions, and help keep this where it needs to be – on Veterans Plaza – next year.

That’s what the author of the Montgomery Sideways blog would rather have than attend an ESSCA meeting. Dental surgery.

I’ve been out of town for a bit and finally catching up on things, and this lovely post was brought to my attention. William Smith focuses on pedestrian issues in the area and attended the final ESSCA meeting of the season last month that dealt with pedestrian improvements on Sligo Ave. The meat of the discussion wasn’t what interested me, though. It’s statements like this:

I left the meeting happy that the presentation had been well-received, but a little depressed at the sad state of the East Silver Spring Citizens’ Association. Six people voted to return the Executive Board back to their positions for another year – even though many of them weren’t there. The last time I had been to such a meeting was in 2005, when I ran against Bob for President. 78 People voted that night, and I lost by 2-1.

Back then the voting was done poorly, and the animosity I felt from the grey-haired and entrenched members of the audience put me off ESSCA for good. I paid dues and went to a couple of meetings since then, but I have usually found them to be more of an obstruction than a help.

Granted, he does talk about all the good things ESSCA has done over the years in terms of stopping bad development decisions, and I agree with him there, to some extent. But for as much pull as the organization may have with the county, I know for a fact that county leaders understand (and perhaps welcome) its dwindling relevance. So here’s the $64,000 question: What’s next?

It appears as if its relevance is inversely proportional to the median age of the group, as the latter drifts farther and farther from what Silver Spring has become. I’m still enamored of the nomenklatura moniker I gave to them over two years ago, and sadly, it’s becoming more and more applicable. But the quandary remains: Silver Spring is filling up more with young professionals and families with less and less time for community involvement. I’ve all but abandoned the thought of running for ESSCA office because the organization itself seems so marginalized by discussions on various blogs. I felt like I could affect change more by snarking from the fringe, and I’d rather spend time with my family (or having dental surgery) than attend the meetings.

The three-month break is upon us, and ESSCA will pick their sad meetings back up the third Monday of September. Give it some thought. Is civic engagement on this level worth it? Are there other means to reach the ends we seek? Food for thought on the long and potentially hot summer days ahead.

In other news…

I try not to shill for any particular interest other than my own, so don’t take this the wrong way. Ms. Thayer Avenue was driving on the beltway and a rock came up and shattered the driver’s side window at full speed. She said it sounded like a gun shot or something, and glass ended up everywhere. I was out of town, and we were a couple of days away from a camping trip over the long Memorial Day break. Enter Banner Glass (7900 Fenton Street). Not only did they squeeze it in the next day, but they completed the work in a matter of a couple of hours. We may have gotten lucky on the timing so set your expectations accordingly, but when a local business pulls something like that, I gotta give ‘em props.

Thank you, Banner Glass.

This was the scene at the Glenmont KFC this morning:

Click for story and raw video from NBC Washington

According to NBC Washington, the cause of the accident is still under investigation. It remains to bee seen whether or not it was actually chicken-related.

Happening Today
Just when we thought we might get inundated with food trucks, along comes Nail Files Mobile Spa to throw a wrench into the gears. Note that this is a promotional tour for TV Guide Network’s new summer reality show, “Nail Files,” from the creators of Jersey Shore, which follows budding entrepreneur Katie Cazorla. This is what you’re in for (ugh). Scheduled from 11:30-2:00.

Better, though, is the appearance of the Blair Robotics team out by the fountain today from 4:30-8:00 9complete with bake sale). Having been involved with the FIRST Robotics Competition for some years now, this is near and dear to my heart. Go, support, and hopefully see robots do stuff. How can you go wrong?

Get Your Yogurt On
FroZenYo will be opening up in DTSS on May 26. As mentioned before, this is a highly-anticipated event at the ThayerAvenue.com headquarters, made even better by the fact that they will be serving free yogurt all day. But it probably won’t be good on the first day, so you should stay home and wait a couple of days before going. Please.

Taste of Fenton Roundup
It was a beautiful day last Saturday for the first “Taste the World at Fenton Village” event. SoCo Eats has a great review, and I agree with his assessment of the highs and lows: Jackie’s #FAIL and Pacci’s #WIN. Some great food out there. I was hoping to get more places in, but after four stops, I became almost immobile. Hope they do it again next year.

Community Supported Agriculture
Next weekend (5/28) marks the start of CSA deliveries from Spiral Path Farm at the DTSS Farmers’ Market. We’ve participated in this for a couple of years now, and it’s well worth it. A few hundred bucks (depending on level of involvement) at the beginning of the season to help support the farm, and you get a box of awesome produce every week. It’s still not too late to sign up, so I recommend you check it out.

Have a great weekend, all.

ALL YOUR CARS, VANS AND TRUCK ARE BELONG TO US

Don’t Forget…
Taste of Fenton is Sunday. Be there or be square. And don’t park on the north side of Thayer between Grove and Houston. You *will* get your car towed. And yes, I may be the one to call the towing company.