The Best of Silver Spring
The Silver Spring Center is conducting the “Best of Silver Spring” Contest for 2008, with winners to be announced sometime in the fall. While many such annual events are found around the country, its basis comes from a pursuit of advertising dollars. I spent plenty of time working in the advertising industry “helping consumers make informed purchase decisions,” and I know revenue generation when I see it.
For once, I think it’s time to get away from the commercialization of such endeavors and focus on how we can highlight the grim underbelly of Silver Spring with a contest conceived outside the confines of advertising revenue. To that end, I propose a new “Best of” contest with the following catagories:
- Where is the best place to hit a pedestrian while driving?
- What’s the best restaurant in which to start a food fight?
- Where is the best place to drink yourself under the table?
- What is the best historic structure to demolish?
- Who’s the best employer for a catty, high school-like environment?
- Where do you have the best chance of getting shot?
- Where do you have the best chance of getting mugged?
- What’s the best restaurant for the next rat infestation?
- Who will be next to set fire to their own establishment (a la My Le and El Pollo Rico) for insurance purposes?
- What’s the best program for Cable County Montgomery to add to its lineup?
- What are the odds on a $13.5 million home selling in the CBD?
- What’s the best Silver Spring blog? (no, this is not a loaded question)
- Which Silver Spring street is the most sinister?
I think these just scratch the surface, so I’ll look to you to fill in both the answers and more questions.
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1. The section of Colesville Rd. between Fenton and Georgia.
2. Soho Cafe – tons of choices for ammunition.
3. D.C.
4. Tastee Diner. My French toast was mediocre on Friday morning.
5. Too obvious.
6. At the corner of Piney Branch Rd. and University Blvd.
7. The cab stand by the Metro station.
8. McDonald’s.
9. Pick ‘em.
10. A tour of miscellaneous nondescript buildings in Silver Spring where the audience learns how they qualify as “historic”.
11. The same as successfully navigating an asteroid field – 3,720 to 1.
12. What the hell is a “blog”?
13. Um, Sligo Creek Pkwy.?
11. That was rhetorical. Never tell me the odds.
1. Best place to hit a pedestrian: East-West at Colesville. Also, anywhere along Georgia Ave in Montgomery Hills.
2. Best place for a food fight: Red Lobster. God knows the food isn’t suitable for eating. Should be good enough for flinging.
3. Best place to get smashed: I concur with Sligo — DC.
4. Historic building that should be razed: The B&O rail station. It’s not even the original building, and it’s sitting on prime real estate.
5. Employer with catty, high-school environment: The Silver Spring Penguin Co.
6. Best chance of getting shot: In and around the Days Inn/Travelodge on 13th St in South Silver Spring.
7. Best chance of getting mugged: Beneath the CSX train trestle over Georgia Ave, South Silver Spring. That’s a Forest Glen footbridge waiting to happen.
8. Next rat infestation: Again, I concur with Sligo — McD’s on Colesville. (The one on 16th St already had that issue.)
9. Next candidate for arson: Piratz, or possibly the entire City Place food court.
10. New program for Cable County Montgomery: “Slap and Tickle with DPWT”. It’ll be either a game show, or a “Laugh-In” knockoff.
11. Odds on a $13.5 million home selling in the CBD: Zero.
12. Best Silver Spring blog: Silver Spring, Singular.
13. Most sinister street: East-West Hwy. Totally bad ass.
1. Where is the best place to hit a pedestrian while driving? Bonifant and Georgia – because you just ignored the sign that says you can’t drive straight across, you have to turn right or left (you know who you are.)
2. What’s the best restaurant in which to start a food fight? Eggspectation – you can blame any one of the toddlers sitting next to you.
3. Where is the best place to drink yourself under the table? Piratz Tavern (one word: Grog)
4. What is the best historic structure to demolish? The current library so we can build the new one at Bonifant and Fenton.
5. Who’s the best employer for a catty, high school-like environment? Ben and Jerry’s
6. Where do you have the best chance of getting shot? Flower & Piney Branch
7. Where do you have the best chance of getting mugged? The Metro, underneath the metro bridge over Colesville Road.
8. What’s the best restaurant for the next rat infestation? Little Tavern — wait, they closed all of those. Bastards!
9. Who will be next to set fire to their own establishment (a la My Le and El Pollo Rico) for insurance purposes? Crisfield’s.
10. What’s the best program for Cable County Montgomery to add to its lineup? Ultraman
11. What are the odds on a $13.5 million home selling in the CBD? Same odds as the new Moose Lodge being constructed to look like a giant moose.
12. What’s the best Silver Spring blog? (no, this is not a loaded question) depends
13. Which Silver Spring street is the most sinister? Duh… Bonifant.
I change my answer for #13 to “Ripifant St.”.
Where is the best place to hit a pedestrian while driving?
Intersection of Fenton & Ellsworth Drive. I’m constantly amazed at the sight of teenagers with their pants hanging around their ankles all but daring cars on Fenton to run ‘em over.
What’s the best restaurant in which to start a food fight?
Macaroni Grill: having tasted it, I see no better use for their “food” than to toss it at someone.
Where is the best place to drink yourself under the table?
My kitchen.
What is the best historic structure to demolish?
The McDonalds on Colesville Road. Wait — how long does it take for a building to be considered historic? Whatever time it takes, that’s when we should demolish the Majestic Theater.
Who’s the best employer for a catty, high school-like environment?
Congress.
Where do you have the best chance of getting shot?
As of a few weeks ago, anywhere in the District!
Where do you have the best chance of getting mugged?
Silver Spring metro station, on your way to the taxi area. You know, the crumbling, scary part.
What’s the best restaurant for the next rat infestation?
Agreed, the McDonalds.
Who will be next to set fire to their own establishment (a la My Le and El Pollo Rico) for insurance purposes?
Fashion at Time.
What’s the best program for Cable County Montgomery to add to its lineup?
Fixed camera at the point on Colesville Road where it changes from four lanes to two lanes during evening rush hour. Have a shot every time some unluckly traveler gets trapped in the wrong lane with oncoming traffic honking at them.
What are the odds on a $13.5 million home selling in the CBD?
Huh?
What’s the best Silver Spring blog? (no, this is not a loaded question)
Whichever one publishes my inane comments.
Which Silver Spring street is the most sinister?
Springvale Road during Halloween.
Ripifant Street is indeed the most sinister of all roadways. It’s so sinister, it exists only as a thought. It’s freakin’ uber-sinister.
1. Colesville at Spring -OR- Georgia at Spring.
I noticed when I worked at Georgia and Wayne that pedestrians seemed to get hit pretty often, but that was a long time ago….
Ripifant street is like Diagon Alley.
1. Lockwood and New Hampshire in White Oak
2. Redrock – the garlic mashed potatoes are perfect for launching
3. The Corner Pub
4. I’m a sap. I like all the old crumbly stuff.
5. From what I overhear buying my burritos at California Tortilla it’s Choice. Like, totally!
6. On Univ. towards Langley
7. Getting off the Peter Pan bus on Sunday night. Good thing you’re already poor from your trip to NY.
8. Armand’s on Seminary
9. Blair Mansion Inn
10. A tv version of Date Lab
11. Equal to that of a Neiman Marcus going up in City Place.
12. I’m an upstart that kisses all their asses.
13. Anywhere in Burnt Mills Estates is prime location shoot for a horror movie.
“Ripifant street is like Diagon Alley.”
Sort of, except Ripifant has Pinhead for a dark overlord. Oh, and the rents are higher.
Here’s the real question… WTF is the “Silver Spring Center”? It claims to be “Silver Spring’s Official Website”. On what authority?
Also, this number seems a bit overstated:
“Today, SilverSpringCenter.com™ receives over 220,000 requests every month from people who live, work and visit Silver Spring, MD.”
And then a few paragraphs later…
“SilverSpringCenter.com™ receives over 2,200,000 requests every month from people who live, work and visit Silver Spring, MD. Below is just a sample of our customers’ internet service providers and domains.”
Did I recently emerge from a carbonite-induced state of suspended hibernation? Because everyone seems to be getting delusions of grandeur
From your comment, there seems to be much bigger problems for the Silver Spring Center (more on that in another post someday).
Maybe the people at the Center are helping out with the Montgomery County budget office – an extra zero here or there won’t make a difference, right? Are they our de facto self-appointed governing body since we’re too lazy to govern ourselves?
By the way, I’ll compile the *proper* answers to these questions once I feel all the feedback is in.
1. Ellsworth-so many pedestrians, so many points
2. Addis Ababa-your hands are already in the food. Enemies, be prepared to feel the sting of my kitfo!
3. Piratz-grog.
4. Falklands-need the Teet.
5. I’m sure it’s Austin Grill. I think all the servers are under the drinking age.
6. Me personally? Five miles south, on the White House lawn. But in Silver Spring… Ramsey.
7. Georgia Ave. 2AM on a Tuesday.
8. Crisfield. August. And quite possibly June of this year.
9. Crisfield. September.
10. How-to: Gorilla Gardening
11. The same as my left nut selling for $13.5 mil.
12. Not The Penguin. It’s not a blog.
13. Cedar St.
1. Where is the best place to hit a pedestrian while driving? Anywhere near or around the intersection of Colesville and Wayne to the intersection of East West Hwy and Colesville.
2. What’s the best restaurant in which to start a food fight? The Quarry House – no one would mind.
3. Where is the best place to drink yourself under the table? DC probably – anywhere but here in Silver Spring.
4. What is the best historic structure to demolish? Can’t decide – I kinda like em all! Demolishing any of them would take away from our history of “tackarama” charm and character.
5. Who’s the best employer for a catty, high school-like environment? Silver Spring Penquin
6. Where do you have the best chance of getting shot? Anywhere on University past Piney Branch Road going towards Langely Park
7. Where do you have the best chance of getting mugged? Cab pickup place at the SS Metro Station
8. What’s the best restaurant for the next rat infestation? McDonalds on Colesville
9. Who will be next to set fire to their own establishment(a la My Le and El Pollo Rico) for insurance purposes? McDonalds on Colesville
10. What’s the best program for Cable County Montgomery to add to its lineup? Don’t watch much TV – What do they have now?
11. What are the odds on a $13.5 million home selling in the CBD? 13.5 Million to 1 (there may be one crazy nut out there)
12. What’s the best Silver Spring blog? (no, this is not a loaded question) Are there blogs in Silver Spring?
13. Which Silver Spring street is the most sinister?
It’s a tie between Silver Spring Avenue and Dale Drive.
So far, all leads point to The Penguin as having the most immature work environment in town. Woohoo! Don’t let the people on WikiPedia know.
I don’t know what’s up with Silver Spring Center, but it looks like it was made with Al Borland’s Internet Toolbox back in the late 90′s (remember those late-night infomercials? Oh, how far the flannel hath fallen. . .).
Can I just tell you how embarrassed I am if even ONE person thinks that’s really the Official Website of my city? It’s a nice idea, and a useful collection of information, but it’s in dire need of an update.
(Oh, yeah– does Safeway count as a restaurant for rat infestations?)
#3 – The Quarry House of course!
Right Springvale Roader, there was absolutely no chance of being shot in DC BEFORE handguns were legalized. All those murders committed in the interim 30 years between now and when handguns were outlawed in DC (an era when Detroit passed the mantle of murder capital USA over to the District)must have been committed by individuals weilding 2x4s with nails through them. Typical reactionary, uninformed MoCo.
Where is the best place to hit a pedestrian while driving?
Gotta go with 16th and East West
What’s the best restaurant in which to start a food fight?
Blue Pearl Buffet, over 150 types of overcooked East Asian Food to hurl!
Where is the best place to drink yourself under the table?
Ceviche – because there is no one else there, so there is literally nothing else to do.
What is the best historic structure to demolish?
Faukland Chase’s North Parcel, which half the people want to preserve not because it is historic, but because they are either a.) NIMBYs or b.) Anti-Purple Line
Who’s the best employer for a catty, high school-like environment?
Dear god, the Majestic, hands down.
Where do you have the best chance of getting shot?
Piney Brach and 193
Where do you have the best chance of getting mugged?
Between the two parking garages by the metro on Bonifant
What’s the best restaurant for the next rat infestation?
The House
Who will be next to set fire to their own establishment (a la My Le and El Pollo Rico) for insurance purposes?
That random liquor store at the corner of Chesapeake.
What’s the best program for Cable County Montgomery to add to its lineup?
“PRESERVING McCOY!” starring Jerry McCoy in a Jim Kramer-esque show where he answers callers questions about buildings that are historically significant.
What are the odds on a $13.5 million home selling in the CBD?
Better than a PROPOSED ZONING AMENDMENT going through.
What’s the best Silver Spring blog? (no, this is not a loaded question)
Silver Spring Singular
Which Silver Spring street is the most sinister?
Ellsworth