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While votes and suggestions were taken into (serious) consideration for the answers here, I took the final say upon myself because… well, because I can. Note that the less-surprising “Best of” Contest sponsored by the Silver Spring Center closes voting on Thursday, July 31. Cast your vote for McDonald’s on Colesville today!

1. Where is the best place to hit a pedestrian while driving?
Colesville, between Georgia and Fenton There might be some argument about this, mainly from those who believe the Ellsworth/Fenton intersection should have won. The reason Colesville won out was because of the 5-6 lanes of traffic, higher speeds, and lone individuals who blatantly flaunt the red silhouette on the opposite side of the street. Fensworth has its moments, but the sheer density of people there, groups that jaywalk, and fewer lanes of traffic put it into 2nd place.

On a different note, I’ve almost hit the same person three times on Georgia Avenue near Montgomery College. Some idiot constantly tries to cross six lanes of traffic, seemingly to get to the 7-11. Last time I almost hit him, it was night, he was wearing dark clothing, and he actually turned back after getting halfway across the street. Anyone else almost hit this guy? I figure he’s next in line for an obituary write-up.

2. What’s the best restaurant in which to start a food fight?
Blue Pearl The vast amount of mediocre food almost demands it. And I haven’t seen the person in the panda costume out there in a while. Are they still doing that? Last time I saw him, he got tackled into the street by a bunch of rowdy teenagers, most likely on a wager.

3. Where is the best place to drink yourself under the table?
Quarry House Post closing. But that’s just hypothetical, because it would be illegal for any establishment to serve alcohol after closing time. There were some votes for D.C., but I had to nix those as this is, after all, the Best of Silver Spring.

A close second goes to Springvale Roader’s kitchen, just for the sheer brilliance of the answer.

4. What is the best historic structure to demolish?
The 9-Acre North Parcel of Falkland Chase

Any questions? The thought of the B&O Railroad Station was intriguing, though

5. Who’s the best employer for a catty, high school-like environment?
Discovery Communications Even though the entire staff of the Silver Spring Penguin voted for the Penguin itself (including others, weirdly enough), I’ve heard too many stories about our venerable (currently sharkless) behemoth.

I might have also accepted my former employer here in Silver Spring (who shall remain nameless). Where were you guys?

6. Where do you have the best chance of getting shot?
Piney Branch and University I think we’ve beaten this dead horse enough.

7. Where do you have the best chance of getting mugged?
Under the SS Metro bridge on Colesville I know there are plenty of other places people get mugged, but from what I’ve heard, this seems to be awfully popular. The Forest Glen footbridge would certainly be up there on the list, but it’s not in DTSS, and that’s our focus here.

8. What’s the best restaurant for the next rat infestation?
McDonald’s Though some of the small ethnic restaurants on Georgia between Wayne and Silver Spring Ave could give it a run for its money. Almost as if we had our own El Ratarindo Tamarindo in the ‘hood.

9. Who will be next to set fire to their own establishment for insurance purposes?
Piratz Tavern The amount of grog consumed at the place is fuel enough – providing both lack of judgment and the equivalent of lighter fluid.

10. What’s the best program for Cable County Montgomery to add to its lineup?
Thayer Avenue Television (TATV) I’m going to beat this point home with the CCM hacks as long as it takes. Segments discussed in a previous post include CCM Smackdown, NIMBY Knowhow, and Mondays with Murray.

11. What are the odds on a $13.5 million home selling in the CBD?
13,500,000:1 Of course, this would come from our resident blogger-real estate expert.

12. What’s the best Silver Spring blog?
Silver Spring, Singular It’s the second oldest in our blogosphere (the first-on-the-block award going to the venerable Silver Spring Scene) and has a beautiful mix of serious news, sad commentary, and humorous mockery of the state of affairs in our fair city.

That having been said, mad props also go to The Silver Spring Penguin for their fantastic work. And being a parent, I think Jessica of A Parent in Silver Spring runs a great resource for those of us with rugrats.

13. Which Silver Spring street is the most sinister?
Ramsey Avenue The recent shooting and the proximity to the Metro station put it over the edge. Some say Bonifant, some say Thayer, but until Ripifant is actually a street, I’m going elsewhere with it. Just be happy I didn’t say Easley.

In looking up a business location in Rockville today, I ran across this map. I present it to you in all its unadulterated glory. Anyone notice anything?

It’s like when my parents left us alone for a weekend while they were out of town. Everything has the appearance of cleanliness and a lack of improper activity, but the crack in the crystal egg tells me otherwise. Where to begin?

Thayer More Sinister than Bonifant
Breaking reports indicate a body was found in Sligo Creek Park near the intersection of Thayer and Dale. Reports are sketchy, but expect the news crews to converge pronto and report more tonight (assuming this isn’t a farce).

Blogging the Bloggers, Volume 42
Silver Spring, Singular’s post from Monday, July 14 has racked up an unprecedented 87 comments to date – some of which, it appears, were a little to fiery for public review. Nothing like Fensworth Fights and Veridian Nazis – and a reminder that we still, unfortunately, live in a segregated society – to get people fired up.

Long Live Foie Gras
Leave it to the People’s Republic of Takoma Park to impose a ban on foie gras. I know it might not be the most humane thing in the world. And yes, I know they put a funnel in the poor goose’s throat and force feed it to enlarge the liver. Then they hack it open to extract that huge morsel of tasty goodness. Shut up with your animal rights crap. It’s too goddamn tasty to ban. (Begin flaming posts from PETA people… *now*)

Majestic, Part 1
While my trip to The Majestic over the weekend was better than most (you people who take your infants to a 10:50pm show of The Dark Knight are IDIOTS), the worst part about the whole deal? The theater was OUT OF ICE. That’s right. No ice. I thought Regal might inject some much needed sanity into the logistics over there, but we all know that’s way too optimistic.

The movie, on the other hand, was spectacular.

Note to self: Don’t ask schmuck behind the counter how cold the Coke is.

Majestic, Part 2
And back to the baby comment… When my wife was pregnant, a waiter at Red Rock Canyon Grill gave us some advice on mixing child rearing with a vibrant social life. He said that it’s easy enough to take a baby to the movies, no problem. Just drop a little bit of Hennessy in the baby bottle before you go. Not much – just a little bit. They’ll sleep right through a late show. Is that what you people are doing? We sort of laughed at the time – in a scared, I-hope-he’s-not-really-serious kind of way, but I have a feeling that’s *exactly* what’s happening. About an hour and a half into the 2.5 hour movie, children started fussing. We should link a theater cam directly to Child and Family Services.

This Place Matters
I mean, it matters that it was finally ripped out by the roots. Once the Little Tavern stopped being a Little Tavern, it lost all “endangerment” in the historical context (though in 16 or so more years, it could have been designated “historic” at the ripe old age of 50) and became a suck-ass, third-rate Chinese/Subs/Chicken place. One step closer to the new library – which better have Rock Band Contests when it arrives.

Thanks/apologies to Silver Spring Penguin for the photo.

And yes…
The TRUE Best of Silver Spring compilation will be coming this week. Stay tuned.

The word “vacation” might be a misnomer, but I’ll be going dark for a bit (if you hadn’t already noticed – forgot to put up the away message before I left).

See y’all when I return from the place where, it would appear, it *does* take a rocket scientist.

The Silver Spring Center is conducting the “Best of Silver Spring” Contest for 2008, with winners to be announced sometime in the fall. While many such annual events are found around the country, its basis comes from a pursuit of advertising dollars. I spent plenty of time working in the advertising industry “helping consumers make informed purchase decisions,” and I know revenue generation when I see it.

For once, I think it’s time to get away from the commercialization of such endeavors and focus on how we can highlight the grim underbelly of Silver Spring with a contest conceived outside the confines of advertising revenue. To that end, I propose a new “Best of” contest with the following catagories:

1. Where is the best place to hit a pedestrian while driving?
2. What’s the best restaurant in which to start a food fight?
3. Where is the best place to drink yourself under the table?
4. What is the best historic structure to demolish?
5. Who’s the best employer for a catty, high school-like environment?
6. Where do you have the best chance of getting shot?
7. Where do you have the best chance of getting mugged?
8. What’s the best restaurant for the next rat infestation?
9. Who will be next to set fire to their own establishment (a la My Le and El Pollo Rico) for insurance purposes?
10. What’s the best program for Cable County Montgomery to add to its lineup?
11. What are the odds on a $13.5 million home selling in the CBD?
12. What’s the best Silver Spring blog? (no, this is not a loaded question)
13. Which Silver Spring street is the most sinister?

I think these just scratch the surface, so I’ll look to you to fill in both the answers and more questions.

Alert reader bonifant more sinister than thayer (who might actually be on to something) sent a discussion forum post saying that Michael Landrum (of Ray’s The Classics) has opened Butcher Burgers (aka Ray’s Hell-Burger) in the same Arlington strip mall that houses Ray’s the Steaks. From the horse’s mouth:

We will be serving one thing only–10 ounces of our secret blend of premium and prime aged beef, char-grilled over an open flame. This is the same single-breed, farm-raised beef that we use at Ray’s The Steaks and Ray’s The Classics, aged in house ridiculously long, hand trimmed to the same exacting standards as all of our steaks, and ground fresh daily, several times throughout the day.

Free toppings include: sauteed mushrooms finished with sherry and brandy, grilled red onions, sauteed peppers, charred jalapenos, vine-ripened beefsteak tomatoes, roasted garlic, and dill or bread and butter pickle chips. Applewood-smoked bacon (the same that we use for the grilled bacon app at Ray’s The Classics) and guacamole are available for an additional charge.

In addition to the regular quality cheeses on offer (‘Merkin, aged Vermont white cheddar, imported Swiss, imported Gruyere, aged Danish Bleu/Italian Gorgonzola, smoked mozzarella, Monster, Brie, pepperjack) we wil also be offering a changing selection of specialty and artisinal cheeses–currently, Epoisse, Rogue Creamery Smokey Blue, Queen Anne Stilton, Pa Noble Cave Aged Amish Cheddar, Chimay a la biere, Taleggio, and Bel Paese.

If we can’t get a Five Guys within walking distance of downtown, the least Landrum could is pay more homage to Silver Spring by putting one of those here. (Photo courtesy of flikr user mimisip)

In other news…

Mancuso-Suzda Project at Blues Alley
Silver Spring’s own experimental jazz duo Mancuso-Suzda Project has landed a gig at the venerable Blues Alley in DC on July 21 (showtimes at 8pm and 10pm). I saw these guys perform at the Strathmore Mansion and they’re just incredible. I mean, who doesn’t want to see someone play an amplified cactus?

Blogging the Bloggers
Yes, there are a lot of blogs in the area, but I’d like to call your attention to another newcomer to the scene: SoCo Eats (that’s South of Colesville, btw). Good food news and reviews from the area with a focus on locally-sourced stuff. I encourage you to check it out.

In Venti Retreat
Is it any surprise Starbucks is closing 600 stores?